Dear Baby...my muse.

It's almost been a whole year of getting to know you.  There isn't an appropriate adjective to adequately describe the joy I've felt over the last year.  I'm in awe of all you have taught me. I am frequently telling everyone who cares to listen (or mistakenly asks) how having a 2nd child was the best decision I've ever made. Yes, there are two parents here but only one knows what's been in my head and what I went through trying to decide to have another and the trials? of that decision.  I find myself thankful, everyday, for the gift of knowing what the parent moment feels like; not only with you but with you brother. The relationship with your brother was something I yearned for but didn't know how to achieve until you came along. I can't imagine what life would have been like without you.  I am so thankful for unanswered prayers. I am so thankful that there is a higher power that will always know better than me; that will forgive what I felt in effort to show me what really will be; for trusting me enough to know I will be able to know the difference when the time comes. Normally I am not as forthcoming in such personal insight but I feel that it's truly important for you to someday find this and understand should you experience any or all of what I experienced with Motherhood.  You are my sole inspiration to capture this weary time because it is an experience that defines me and will help me become the person I am meant to be. I know others struggle and I'm not alone. I know others ignore this experience. I know others tell themselves what they should feel and maybe even eventually convince themselves that they do feel the way they "should".  You are almost one year old and I feel this is the perfect time to capture all I need to tell you before life gets away from us and we find you becoming a mother as well.  I've heard that time flies but no one knows that better than a parent. You're inspiration has meant more to me than anything else I've ever experienced.  I'll be thankful everyday because I trust that I'll remember to be thankful everyday. I look forward to every day of every year with you. I am excited to continue to grow with you and expand my love for both of you kids and to experience everything as you grow into the people you are meant to become.

xoxo-
mama